Two months have passed since my last post. Getting back into teaching has been a real challenge physically. But going back to work has also put things into perspective and it has made me realize how much the brain surgery has changed my outlook, my mood, and my demeanor. I have been thinking about this post for a while now and I am finally ready to share part of it. There are some lessons that I have learned from having my brain surgery, lessons that have made a profound impact on how I look at life, and I feel the need to share them . . .
I have heard that going through any major surgery can leave people feeling pretty emotional. I had my share of depression and anxiety which has led me to meet with a psychiatrist. While these emotions are thankfully under control, I have found that I have been and still am extremely sensitive since the surgery. Maybe that will slowly go away, but for now I have a delicate appreciation for both my feelings and the feelings of those around me. Some days I find myself feeling quite fragile. I guess having someone cut open and peel back your scalp to break open your scull will leave you feeling that way. Some days all I need is for Scott to hold me, or to just sit and look at the ocean, or close my eyes and listen to simple piano melodies. There are no reasons for feeling this fragile (besides the surgery), but it has been a huge reminder to me of how fragile we all are. We all need each other, and we all need to remember to look out for one another.
This surgery has made me more sympathetic and more open hearted. Some see sensitivity as a weakness, but I think it is one of our best human traits. To be able to look at another person and feel their pain, to reach out and offer someone another chance, and to look someone in the eye with a willingness to feel what they feel is the most powerful thing we can do. Because at the end of the day, we are here for each other.
Each day, at some point, this crosses my mind: how I can brighten the day of those around me? How can I ease the pain of others? Because each of us is carrying something. We ultimately do not know how long we will be around each other, or how long we will be alive. We only have a few moments with each person we interact with – shouldn’t we try to encourage each other and sympathize with one another instead of comparing, condemning, or criticizing. Don’t get me wrong, no one is perfect and we all lose our temper and get selfish, but I mean, at the end of the day shouldn’t that be our goal – to bring joy, happiness, and kindness to those we interact with? Shouldn’t we allow ourselves to be more sensitive?